How To Stop Enabling a Drug Addict
When you’re in a relationship with an addict, it can seem like an impossibility to separate yourself from the problems. You may convince yourself that it would be irresponsible -- that if you’re not right there in the middle to attempt to salvage what’s left of your loved one’s job, reputation, and self-respect, that everything will just crumble around both of you and be destroyed.
It can be difficult to let go and allow the addict to face the consequences of their actions. You don’t want your life to become more stressful. You don’t want your spouse to lose his or her job and leave you broke. You don’t want to admit to family and friends how bad things have gotten. So you do everything in your power to keep the outside world from finding out.
When it comes to the other people in our lives, especially the addict, we must learn to let go and stop enabling behavior. We can’t make their choices for them. We can’t control what they do, and the more we try, the more out of control our own lives become.
Learning to stop enabling is a process, but you can learn to distance yourself from the troubles of addiction. It is about letting the addict handle their own problems. This does not mean that you stop caring. You can show compassion for the addict without their problems becoming yours, you can listen with a loving ear without taking on their responsibilities, and you can offer guidance without belittling.
Top Ten Enabling Behaviors
Take a close look at the life of any person struggling with addiction, and you will likely find at least one family member or friend “helping” that person. Somebody making it easier for the addict to continue in the progression of their disease. This behavior is called enabling. The problem is that this form of helping is actually hurting.
So how do you know the difference between helping and enabling? Helping is doing something for another person when they are not capable of doing it for themselves. Enabling, on the other hand, is doing things that the person could and should be doing for him or herself. Enabling behavior makes it easier for an addict to continue drinking or using drugs because the consequences aren’t bad enough to convince him or her to stop.
Following are the top ten actions that fall under the category of enabling.
Warning Signs of Relapse
When we convince a loved one to accept treatment for an addiction, we may feel a wave of relief. We think that finally the nightmare is over and now life can go back to normal. But we must be careful not to hold unrealistic expectations from treatment. For the addict, and for those who choose to stand by him or her, recovery can be a lifelong battle.
Recovery First, a drug rehab center in Florida, offers the following article to help family members and friends recognize the warning signs of relapse. I have no connection with Recovery First, but I thank them for this informative article.
Experts in the fields of addiction and alcoholism have estimated that as many as 90% of all people who become addicted to a substance and then abstain will subsequently relapse at least one time in their life. Furthermore, a large percentage of those people will fall victim to multiple relapses - each usually with more disastrous results than the last. Consequently, relapse prevention is a serious lifelong concern for any person who is in recovery from substance abuse or alcoholism. This means that recognizing and understanding the warning signs of relapse is critical for people who are unwilling to risk their sobriety - and possibly their lives - just to use one more time.
One common myth that only serves to perpetuate relapses is that once a person has completed an addiction program such as residential inpatient treatment or intensive outpatient treatment, they have effectively been "cured" of their addiction or alcoholism. However, this is simply not the case. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) sets in shortly after detox and can cause a wide range of symptoms for up to two years. These symptoms include depression, inability to think clearly or organize thoughts, inability to solve simple problems, inability to deal with stress, insomnia and severe cravings for drugs or alcohol. PAWS symptoms cause many in recovery to self-medicate as a form of relief.
When a person begins having difficulty coping with PAWS symptoms they often exhibit a series of behaviors that can serve as clear warning signs that a relapse is imminent without some type of intervention. Recognition of these behaviors is absolutely vital in order to properly address them:
The Six Stages of Recognizing You Are With an Addict
Today I want to share an article by empowerment coach, author, and speaker, Kristen Brown. When I first read this article it really hit home for me. As she writes about the six stages of recognizing you are with an addict, I vividly recall going through each of these stages. It's important for each of us, who love an addict, to take our own power back and work on strengthening ourselves. As Kristen shares in this article; The dream of a life with them may be over for now, but that does not mean that you cannot build and support a whole new dream!
Here is Kristen's article:
